Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no”? Do you feel a pang of guilt or anxiety at the mere thought of disappointing someone? If so, you’re definitely not alone. People-pleasing is a common survival strategy, especially for those of us who’ve learned to prioritize others’ needs over our own. But here’s the truth: Constantly saying “yes” when you mean “no” isn’t just exhausting ~ it’s a betrayal of your own needs and boundaries.
The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. By turning to your body and nervous system, you can begin to heal the patterns that keep you people-pleasing and learn to say “no” with confidence and clarity.
Why We People-Please: A Nervous System Perspective
People-pleasing isn’t a character flaw—it’s a protective mechanism. For many of us, it stems from early experiences where our safety, love, or belonging depended on keeping others happy. Over time, this can wire our nervous systems to prioritize harmony over authenticity, leaving us feeling drained, resentful, and disconnected from ourselves.
When you people-please, your nervous system is often in a fawn response—a survival state where you seek safety by appeasing others. This might feel like:
- A tightness in your chest or stomach when you think about saying “no.”
- A racing heart or shallow breath when someone asks for a favor.
- A sense of dread or guilt at the thought of disappointing someone.
The key to breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t just about changing your behavior—it’s about rewiring your nervous system so you can feel safe setting boundaries and honoring your needs.
5 Healing Somatic Practices to Help You Say No with Confidence
These body-based practices are designed to help you reconnect with yourself, regulate your nervous system, and build the confidence to say “no” without guilt or fear.
1. Tune Into Your Body’s “Yes” and “No”
Your body knows what you need long before your mind catches up. Start by practicing discernment between a “yes” and a “no” in low-stakes situations.
Try This:
- Close your eyes and imagine saying “yes” to a request. Notice what happens in your body—do you feel open, relaxed, and expansive? Or do you feel tight, heavy, or constricted?
- Now imagine saying “no.” What sensations arise? Do you feel a sense of relief or tension?
- Use this practice to build awareness of your body’s signals before making decisions.
2. “Heel Drops” To Ground Yourself in the Present Moment
When you feel pressured to say “yes,” your nervous system is likely stuck in a stress or survival response. Grounding practices can help you feel centered and powerful.
Try This (when you’re not feeling pressured to people please):
- Feel your feet on the floor.
- Rise up onto the balls of your feet.
- Gently drop your heels back down to the floor
Repeat 5X and then check in with your system. What do you notice? Is there a sense of empowerment? If so, AWESOME! You just let your brain know that holding your ground is possible. Does it feel more stressful? If so, NO PROBLEM ~ it just means you need to take it a little slower, and gentler. Please note: To build capacity for higher stakes situations, this practice is best done in low stakes situations, and when you aren’t triggered.
3. Practice the “Pause”
People-pleasing happens on autopilot. By creating a pause, you give yourself space to check in with your needs before responding.
Try This:
- When someone makes a request, take a deep breath and say, “Let me think about it.”
- Use this time to tune into your body and ask yourself: Do I have the capacity for this? Does this align with my needs and values?
- Remember, you don’t owe anyone an immediate answer.
4. Strengthen Your Boundary Energy
Boundaries aren’t just mental ~ they’re felt in the body. This practice helps you embody your boundaries so you can feel more confident saying “no.”
Try This:
- Stand tall with your feet hip-width apart. Imagine a bubble of energy surrounding your body ~ this is your boundary.
- Practice saying “no” out loud while feeling the edges of your bubble. Notice how it feels to claim your space.
- If it feels hard, start with small, playful “no’s” and gradually work your way up.
5. Reconnect with Your Worth
People-pleasing often stems from a fear of rejection or abandonment. This practice helps you reconnect with your inherent worth, so you can say “no” without guilt.
Try This:
- Place a hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths.
- Repeat a mantra like, “My needs matter,” or “I am worthy of respect.”
- Visualize yourself surrounded by supportive, loving energy—people who celebrate you for who you are, not what you do for them.
The Gift of Saying No
Saying “no” isn’t just about setting boundaries ~ it’s about reclaiming your wellness, your time, energy, and peace. It’s about honoring your needs and creating space for what truly matters to you.
This journey won’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Every time you tune into your body, pause before responding, or say “no” with kindness, you’re rewiring your nervous system and building a deeper sense of self-trust.
Your Turn: Take the First Step
What’s one small way you can practice saying “no” this week? Maybe it’s declining an extra task, setting a time boundary, or simply pausing before you say “yes.” Whatever it is, know that every step you take is a powerful act of radical self-care.
Ready To Take That First Step Towards Interrupting Your People Pleasing? Check out The People Pleasing Masterclass HERE
Your energy needs this! Your nervous system needs this! Your well-being needs this!
PPI is a Masterclass to help you learn to reclaim your time, energy, and voice ~ so you can make clear, confident decisions without giving away your power.
Hi, I’m Elise Besler! I’m a Somatic Voice, Boundary, and Secure Attachment Coach, specializing in helping women leaders, creatives, and visionaries find their authentic voice, build secure relationships, and set boundaries with confidence. If past experiences have made you feel like you couldn’t have these things, I’m here to show you that you can.
Through a blend of somatic voice coaching, nervous system wisdom, embodied confidence, and powerful communication strategies, I’ll help you show up fully—both in your life and your work. Ready to be heard—fully and unapologetically? Let’s connect. 💌 hello@elisebesler.com
Leave a comment