Do you ever feel like your words disappear into the void? Like no matter how much you try to express yourself, you’re met with blank stares, interruptions, or outright dismissal? If so, you’re not alone. Many women struggle with feeling unseen and unheard in their relationships ~ whether with partners, family, friends, or colleagues.
This isn’t just about communication breakdowns. For many of us, it’s deeper. It’s about the way our nervous systems have been shaped by past experiences ~ times when our voices were silenced, our needs were ignored, or our boundaries were crossed. These experiences can leave us feeling powerless, disconnected, and unsure of how to speak up without fear of rejection or conflict.
But here’s the truth: Your voice matters. And reclaiming it isn’t just about finding the right words ~ it’s about working alongside your nervous system so you can rebuild self-trust, and prioritize relationships where you feel safe, seen, and valued.
Why It’s Hard to Speak Up: A Nervous System Perspective
When we feel unseen or unheard, it can often trigger our nervous system into in a survival state ~ fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Here’s how this might show up:
- Fight: You feel angry or defensive when trying to express yourself, which can lead to arguments or shutdowns.
- Flight: You avoid difficult conversations altogether, fearing conflict or rejection.
- Freeze: You feel paralyzed, unable to find the words or energy to speak up.
- Fawn: You prioritize others’ needs over your own, saying “yes” when you mean “no” to keep the peace.
These responses aren’t character flaws ~ they’re protective mechanisms. Your nervous system is trying to keep you safe based on past experiences where speaking up felt risky or unsafe. But the good news? You can rewire these patterns and create new ones.
How to Reclaim Your Voice: A Trauma-Informed Guide
Reclaiming your voice is a journey, not a quick fix. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to reconnect with your body and your needs. Here’s how to start:
1. Learn the language of your body’s signals.
Your body holds wisdom that your mind might ignore. Before you can speak up, you need to know what you’re feeling.
Try This:
- Pause and take a few deep breaths.
- Notice any sensations in your body ~ tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, tension in your shoulders.
- Ask yourself: What is my body trying to tell me? What do I need right now?
This practice helps you reconnect with your inner voice and build the self-awareness needed to communicate your needs.
2. Practice Small Acts of Self-Advocacy
Reclaiming your voice doesn’t have to start with big, confrontational moments. Begin with small, low-stakes situations where you can practice speaking up.
Examples:
- Say “no” to an extra task you don’t have capacity for.
- Share your opinion in a conversation, even if it’s different from others’.
- Ask for what you need, whether it’s space, support, or clarity.
Each small act builds your confidence and reinforces the belief that your voice matters.
3. Work WITH Your Nervous System To Create Felt Safety
When your nervous system feels safe, it’s easier to speak up without fear or overwhelm. Incorporate practices that help you feel grounded and regulated.
Try This:
- Grounding: Feel your feet on the floor, notice your breath, or name five things you can see around you.
- Resourcing: Call to mind a person, place, or memory that makes you feel safe and supported.
- Pendulation: Shift your attention between a sensation of discomfort and one of ease (e.g., tension in your shoulders vs. warmth in your hands).
- Nervous System Rewiring: Applied Neurology exercises are a great way to rewire the signals of perceived threat from your body to your brain ~ this is how lasting change is made.
All of these tools help you stay present to your needs and expression, even in challenging conversations.
4. Set Boundaries with Compassion
Boundaries are essential for reclaiming your voice. They create a container where your needs and feelings can be honored.
How to Start:
- Identify what’s draining or depleting you in your relationships.
- Communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly. For example:
- “I need some time to think before I respond.”
- “I can’t take on that request right now, but I appreciate you asking.”
- “I feel unheard when you interrupt me. Can we practice listening to each other?”
Remember, boundaries aren’t about changing others ~ they’re about honoring yourself.
5. Seek Supportive Relationships
You deserve relationships where your voice is valued and respected. Surround yourself with people who listen, validate, and encourage you to be yourself.
Ask Yourself:
- Who in my life makes me feel seen and heard?
- Who do I feel safe expressing myself around?
- How can I spend more time with these people?
If you don’t have many supportive relationships yet, consider seeking out communities, therapists, or coaches who can hold space for your growth.
The Gift of Being Seen and Heard
Reclaiming your voice isn’t just about speaking up—it’s about reconnecting with your worth, your needs, and your right to take up space. It’s about creating relationships where you feel safe, respected, and valued for who you are.
This journey won’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Every small step you take ~ whether it’s tuning into your body, setting a boundary, or sharing your truth ~ is a powerful act of self-care.
Your Turn: Take the First Step
What’s one small way you can reclaim your voice today? Maybe it’s saying “no” to something that drains you, or sharing your thoughts in a conversation where you’d normally stay quiet. Whatever it is, know that your voice matters ~ and the world needs to hear it.
— If you’ve ever struggled to speak up, felt your voice shake in high-stakes moments, or questioned if your words truly mattered, this practice is for you! —
Click HERE for immediate access to the FREE “Find Your Voice” Guided Audio Training.
Take 11 minutes to activate the power of your voice with this guided practice. Includes: Grounding, breath-work and voice-work exercises to help you regulate your nervous system and build a confident voice.
Hi, I’m Elise Besler! I’m a Somatic Voice, Boundary, and Secure Attachment Coach, specializing in helping women leaders, creatives, and visionaries find their authentic voice, build secure relationships, and set boundaries with confidence. If past experiences have made you feel like you couldn’t have these things, I’m here to show you that you can.
Through a blend of somatic voice coaching, nervous system wisdom, embodied confidence, and powerful communication strategies, I’ll help you show up fully—both in your life and your work. Ready to be heard—fully and unapologetically? Let’s connect. 💌 hello@elisebesler.com
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