Have you spent years silencing yourself, holding back your thoughts, or playing small to avoid conflict or judgment? You’re not alone. Many people – especially women in leadership and creative entrepreneurs -have been conditioned to stay quiet, to shrink in spaces that demand their presence. But the good news? Your voice is still there. It’s just waiting for you to reclaim it.
In this post, we’ll explore why finding your voice can feel so difficult, what holds you back, and the steps you can take to speak up with confidence and authenticity.
Why You “Lost” Your Voice (And How to Get It Back)
Before you can reclaim your voice, it helps to understand why you felt like you lost it in the first place. Here are some common reasons:
1. Conditioning and Social Expectations
From a young age, many of us are taught to be “polite,” “agreeable,” or “easy to get along with.” Over time, this conditioning can make self-expression feel risky or even unsafe.
2. Fear of Judgment or Rejection
If you’ve ever been shut down, dismissed, or criticized for speaking your truth, you may have internalized the belief that staying quiet is safer than being seen and heard.
3. Perfectionism and Overthinking
The pressure to say the “right” thing can keep you from saying anything at all. If you overanalyze every word before you speak, your voice gets trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.
4. Nervous System Responses
When your body associates visibility with danger, you may unconsciously freeze, shrink, or avoid situations where you need to speak up. This is a survival response, but it can be rewired.
How to Reclaim Your Voice with Confidence
Now that you know why your voice has been hiding, let’s dive into the practical steps to bring it back.
1. Start with Self-Awareness
Before you can use your voice powerfully, you need to understand where and why you’ve been holding back. Ask yourself:
- In what situations do I feel most silent?
- What fears come up when I think about speaking up?
- When do I feel most comfortable using my voice?
Journaling about these questions can help you identify patterns and areas to work on.
2. Regulate Your Nervous System
Speaking up isn’t just a mental game—it’s a full-body experience. If your nervous system perceives visibility as a threat, it will override your best intentions. Try:
- Deep breathing exercises to calm anxiety before speaking.
- Grounding techniques like pressing your feet into the floor to stay present.
- Vocal warm-ups to release tension and free your voice.
3. Practice Low-Stakes Speaking
If you’ve been quiet for a long time, jumping straight into big conversations can feel overwhelming. Start small:
- Speak up in casual conversations with friends.
- Share your thoughts in a supportive group setting.
- Record voice notes to yourself to practice hearing your own voice.
4. Challenge the Fear of Judgment
Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen if I speak my truth? More often than not, the fears we hold are bigger in our minds than in reality. Reframing your mindset can help you push past the discomfort.
5. Use Your Body to Support Your Voice
Your posture and breath impact how your voice comes across. Try:
- Standing tall with your shoulders back to create space for your breath.
- Speaking from your diaphragm rather than your throat for a more powerful sound.
- Maintaining eye contact and using gestures to reinforce your message.
6. Own Your Opinions Without Apologizing
If you’ve been conditioned to soften your voice with phrases like “Sorry, but…” or “This might be silly, but…”—it’s time to break that habit. Your thoughts and opinions are valid. Say them with clarity and conviction.
7. Set Boundaries and Speak with Intention
Reclaiming your voice isn’t just about speaking more—it’s about speaking with purpose.
- Say no when you mean no.
- State your needs clearly and directly.
- Pause before responding to ensure your words align with your truth.
The Long-Term Practice of Owning Your Voice
Finding your voice isn’t a one-time event—it’s a lifelong practice. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Here are some ongoing ways to keep building your vocal confidence:
- Daily affirmations like “My voice is valuable and deserves to be heard.”
- Vocal exercises to strengthen your speaking ability.
- Speaking opportunities that stretch your comfort zone, such as podcasts, panels, or presentations.
- Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and encourage your voice.
Final Thoughts: Your Voice is Your Power
You don’t have to stay small any longer. Your voice is waiting for you to reclaim it. Step by step, breath by breath, word by word – you can learn to trust it again.
The world needs your truth, your wisdom, and your presence. And most importantly, you need to hear yourself, too.
— If you’ve ever struggled to speak up, felt your voice shake in high-stakes moments, or questioned if your words truly mattered, this practice is for you! —
Click HERE for immediate access to the FREE “Find Your Voice” Guided Audio Training.
Take 11 minutes to activate the power of your voice with this guided practice. Includes: Grounding, breath-work and voice-work exercises to help you regulate your nervous system and build a confident voice.
Hi, I’m Elise Besler! I’m a Somatic Voice Coach specializing in helping women leaders, creatives, and visionaries find their authentic voice, build secure relationships, and set boundaries with confidence. If past experiences have made you feel like you couldn’t have these things, I’m here to show you that you can.
Through a blend of somatic voice coaching, nervous system wisdom, embodied confidence, and powerful communication strategies, I’ll help you show up fully—both in your life and your work. Ready to be heard—fully and unapologetically? Let’s connect. 💌 hello@elisebesler.com
Leave a comment